The Keyz
Alternative / Indie / Punk / Rock / Ska

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Last Updated: 06 Sep 2008
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The Band

Bonas - Bass/Backing Vocals
John E G - Guitar/backing Vocals
Karl - Guitar
Robin - Lead Vocals/Keyboards
Steve - Drums

About us



The Keyz began existence as a very primitive lifeform. Thanks to evolution, they adapted from tone deaf, single cell organism's into super-human musical geniuses with perfect pitch. Unfortunately, the band only had one member -Robin. Robin, realised he would need a whole band, but decided that firstly he needed a super-being capable of recording music to a high quality with the ability to read musicians minds.

So by taking one of his own ribs, he created Paul - the world's best producer/slider monkey/moan merchant The duo spent years searching for musicians who could understand the complex songs that they wanted to create. In the end, they decided to go for the easy option, and built a hi-tech laboratory and genetically engineered a band. After several irreversible mishaps (which resulted in 99% of X-Factor contestants) they finally came up with a whole band line-up.

By mixing their own genetics with those of a retarded donkey, they managed to produce Bonas - the world's greatest bass player. For some reason retarded donkey genes are perfect for splicing, resulting in a being with superb timing and rhythm, but with a severe lack of common sense.

They then mixed genes with a hormonal menopausal Octopus to create Steve - a drummer who plays as though he has 8 arms and legs, though lacks most skills associated with being human, and also tends to talk like Ringo Starr a lot
By combining genes with a spider-monkey, they created twin brothers John E G and Karl "Picasso Triggerfish" Englishby to play guitar. Unfortunately, John & Karl managed to escape from the laboratory. John ended up as a street mime artist while Karl spent the majority of his life pretending to be an insurance salesman in Slough. Luckily, during a covert operation they recently managed to track them down, shooting them several times in the face with tranquilizer darts and hauling them back to the lab.